Spotlight #1: First Draft Brie

First things first: Brie is not cheese, she is a character from Enhanced.

Second things second: What is this “Spotlight” you speak of? you may be asking. Well, I’ll explain it to you. During the week or two I’ve been gone from the blogosphere did you notice? I was (as well as procrastinating from Camp NaNo) thinking a bit about how to improve my blogging. And I decided I wanted to share more writing with you more often, but I can’t exactly write a short story every week. Then I thought of writing a novel solely on this blog, which would be fun, but I have no ideas, let alone motivation to actually do it.

So I came up with the idea of the Spotlight. Basically, weekly I will “shine the spotlight” on some of the writing I worked on that week, which will probably include excerpts of some of my favorite parts, anything that I really enjoyed writing, cool descriptions, thoughts, etc. Basically anything that I feel really struck me gets to be posted here!

That means that not only will you get to read more of my writing through excerpts, you’ll also get to know my characters a lot better and get a feel for my novel. Are you in? I hope so!


FIRST DRAFT BRIE

I was reading through my first draft of Enhanced the other day, and found myself thinking about Brie. She is…an interesting character.

Fun Fact: Taira, Will, and Brie all came from a short piece I wrote for an informal writing contest:

Taira took a step. That one step, into the new world, the world they had saved. Will and Brie walked after her, looking about themselves in awe. “We did it,” whispered Will. “We did it.” Brie nodded along, eyes full of wonder.

Taira couldn’t understand them. The world was too empty. There were buildings just down the road from them, with flashing lights and glowing signs, but it was still so empty. She finally realized why — the world had been silenced. There were no people driving cars along the roads. There was no music to be heard. There was no sound of jets flying over them. Everything was totally silent. The only thing that made a noise was the wind blowing the dirt around them, dirt devoid of any sort of life.

She felt like she was in a dream as she walked along with the others, into that maze of buildings. Empty buildings. A soft sound filled the air, a sound Taira wanted to run away from, to never have to listen to again. The sound of sobbing, the sound of pure sorrow, the sound of the worst pain in the world. They didn’t go down that road.

As they walked, they saw no movement until they came upon a little girl, kneeling in front of someone, shaking him. “Daddy, Daddy, wake up!” she said, as if not knowing that he was gone and would never come back.

The little girl looked up as they walked past, and Taira saw her wide eyes staring up at them, clouded with confusion. Taira wanted to go to her, to comfort her, to do something, but Will and Brie held her back. “You can’t do anything about it,” said Brie.

Taira pushed herself away from them, away from everyone, her eyes welling with tears as she ran down the empty streets, finally collapsing under a large tree. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. It had never been meant to be like this.

The plague had spread over the whole world, infecting almost everyone, with almost unnoticeable symptoms that led quickly to a sickness that was more painful than death. It spread easily, and only few people in the world had been able to resist it.

The only cure was death.

The only way to restore the world was to cleanse it from the disease, to purge it of all of the remaining plague. To kill everyone who’d contracted it.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. It wasn’t supposed to include pain and anguish. It was supposed to take that away, not leave children parentless and parents widowed and people with no one left in the world to care for them.

The tears streamed down Taira’s cheeks and her throat choked as she whispered a prayer, as if someone, somewhere could give her comfort. Those lives shouldn’t have been lost. Life was too precious to be cut short like that, in an instant.

They had saved the world, but had they destroyed it in the process?

Of course, Enhanced is much, much different than this excerpt. Nothing in this happens that does in Enhanced, but it was still the inspiration for those three characters (though you may notice that this Taira is much different than the one in her character interview, who is more of the actual Taira).

I don’t know where Brie really came from besides that, but for some reason, I decided that she was going to be really, really emotional. And kind of childish. And in a way, just relaly weird… I don’t know why, though.

There was a banging sound on the other side of his door, and Kai cautiously stood up and

opened it. Will stood on the other side of the door, looking relieved and also disheveled. “Taira’s missing,” he said.

“What?” he asked, the worry on Will’s face putting him on high alert. “What are you talking about, she’s missing?”

“She’s not here, and there’s this crazy girl in my room, and I have no idea—”

Kai held up a hand. “Hold up, just wait a minute and start from the beginning. What exactly happened?”

“Well, I was going back to my room, and when I came in, there was this girl sitting there on my bed, looking through all my gadgets and stuff. And then she said that she was Seth’s sister and she talked to Taira about something about getting a job here, but that Taira was supposed to come back before I did, and she’s still not here.”

“Seth’s sister?” asked Kai. “Brie?”

Will’s face registered surprise. “How did you know that?”

“I met her once a while ago.”

“And you remember her?” Then he shook his head. “I guess when it’s someone with a crazy personality like that, they’re hard to forget.”

*facepalms at self repeatedly*

Perhaps because of this…this awkwardness, though she did play a part in the beginning of the book, Brie kind of disappeared near the middle. But what I had forgotten was that I brought her back at the end of the book, and…she’s really more amazing than I had thought before.

There’s this part where I really, really love what she says:

Then Brie straightened and thrust herself out of his grasp. He reached out to grab her, but she was too far away already. But instead of heading toward where Jethro was, like he expected, she ran to Seth’s bedside, talking furiously and quietly to the figure there.

Kai began to walk toward her, as his inspiration said, and soon he could hear her softly-spoken words. “What do I do, Seth? Tell me what to do?”

Seth’s words were weary. “Stop fighting. No one can save us now.”

“No, I won’t leave you.” She leaned even closer next to her brother’s head where it lay on his pillow. “I won’t stop fighting. I’ll never stop. Have hope, Seth, please, have hope.”

“Brie…” he said faintly, “all of my hope died a long time ago.”

That second-to-last paragraph…I just love it. I won’t stop fighting. I’ll never stopIt just made me fall in love with her a little, and I had a lot of fun today developing her for the rewrite of Enhanced. Even though she’s still not a POV character, I am hoping to make her a little more major in the rewrite, and also more of the person she is in this last excerpt.

Also, I decided that Brie loves to sing! She’s really awesome…and I think that concludes our Spotlight for this week. Any thoughts on this Spotlight or Spotlights as a whole? Oh and one more thing for all you Miraculous fans out there: I was looking up what type of cheese brie was and apparently it’s similar to Camembert (but more mild). I suppose Plagg would like her.

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20 thoughts on “Spotlight #1: First Draft Brie

  1. Kellyn Roth August 1, 2016 / 11:10 PM

    Ooh, lots of fun! I really enjoyed this! And you know I enjoyed it because I didn’t skim!!! (not that I ever skim YOUR posts 😛 ) I kind of want to do this … but … but ………….

    Like

    • Lana August 2, 2016 / 11:59 AM

      Thanks! (I can’t tell if that’s meant to be sarcastic or not…though I don’t think it is, hehe. In that case, thank you for never skimming. 🙂 )

      Haha, I’m sure there’s room somewhere for it in your schedule, right? 😉 #backtotangled

      Liked by 1 person

      • Kellyn Roth August 2, 2016 / 12:02 PM

        No, I wasn’t being sarcastic! 😀 Ah, so you wouldn’t mind me stealing your creation? And … I don’t know. The schedule’s so nuts right now! Maybe I could do it monthly or something. #backtotangled

        Like

      • Lana August 2, 2016 / 12:26 PM

        Haha, good. 😀 Ah, no, I wouldn’t mind much. Good ideas are there to be shared, right? Hehe. Yeah, once a month would be cool, if you can fit it in somewhere.

        Yesss the hashtag is spreading…soon we will have world domination!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Kellyn Roth August 2, 2016 / 12:27 PM

        WE SHALL TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!!

        … I have a dream … 😉

        Like

      • Lana August 2, 2016 / 12:33 PM

        *evil laughter* We are despicable human beings! #BACKTOTANGLED

        Like

  2. Astro August 2, 2016 / 6:08 AM

    This Spotlight is great, and I really liked reading your writing. Brie’s personality is very interesting, especially in the way that she contrasts to some of the other characters (for example, how her attitude towards fighting in the last excerpt is completely different from Seth’s.) That adds in a new dimension to the writing, and it’s awesome.
    So you said she disappeared near the middle? Is that because of a particular incident in the plot, or just because she’s not very involved in that particular section of the plot? I’m curious 🙂

    Like

    • Lana August 2, 2016 / 11:54 AM

      Thank you! She is a pretty interesting character and I’m excited to write her and see her develop more.

      Well, part of the reason she disappeared was just because I forgot about her… That sounds really horrible but she was never very fully developed so when I thought about the characters she never really came to mind. But also, I only had 2 POV characters at the time, and for most of the book they were in a totally different place than her and so she also didn’t really interact with them, and that made me forget more about her too, heh.

      Like

      • Astro August 2, 2016 / 4:32 PM

        She definitely sounds interesting!

        No, I completely understand what you mean. Especially if the character isn’t in the same location, they don’t necessarily come up that much. *nods*

        Like

      • Lana August 3, 2016 / 11:26 AM

        Hehe, thanks.

        Yeah…but now I have more POV characters so hopefully all the major-ish characters will get to be in most of the novel, which is good.

        Like

  3. queenmelainiemerker August 2, 2016 / 3:42 PM

    Emotional and childish? I love her already.
    yesss he would Plagg definitely would

    Like

    • Lana August 3, 2016 / 11:27 AM

      Hehe, I thought you might.

      i wonder what an interaction between the two of them would look like. “Hi, I’m Brie.” “Mmm, delicious.”

      Like

      • Lana August 6, 2016 / 6:43 PM

        Hehe, that would be fun.

        Like

  4. Morgan @ studiesincharacter August 2, 2016 / 11:45 PM

    Ooooh, this was a really fun post to read!

    (Sorry for the boring comment… I should probably just stop and go to bed and give real comments in the morning, eh? >_<)

    Like

    • Lana August 3, 2016 / 11:23 AM

      Thanks! (Hehe, you’re fine. although, no comment on the miraculous reference? …hehe.)

      Like

      • Morgan @ studiesincharacter August 4, 2016 / 4:01 PM

        Oops? I commented on it in my head and didn’t put it in the comment.
        But now I can’t remember what the comment was.
        BUT I DID NOTICE IT.

        Like

      • Lana August 4, 2016 / 7:01 PM

        GOOD. And that’s fine, hehe.

        Like

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